It will probably be no surprise to some of you that I am experiencing my second slump regarding motivation; especially the day following my pizza mishap. However, I would like to suggest here and now that the pizza issue was a result of the already existing slump rather than the cause of it. I am sure that many of you have already experienced something of this nature in your own efforts of great personal challenge, whatever they may be. In the beginning motivation is high, success is exciting, and every step you take along the way is inspiring. Then that gets a little bit old after awhile; you start to tire of the monotony and wish you could change things up a little or your motivation starts to waiver.
In my case this is precisely the way I've been feeling over the last two days; and actually, I even felt this way on Saturday but I dug through it. As I mentioned earlier this is the second time that this has happened to me; I start to really get tired of counting every little thing, eating the same foods over and over again because I am comfortable with the number of calories in them so I know I can count them accurately, going to the gym immediately after I get off work without even taking the time to relax with "Temptation" because I know if I do I probably won't get up and go, etc.
The first time I hit this slump I dug through it, I pushed myself and forced myself to keep going to the gym even though I didn't want to and I turned off my brain while eating so that I wouldn't think about how much I wanted to be eating something else. My motivation was eventually rejuvenated by the post of a fellow blogger who said all the right things to get me psyched up about everything again. Once that happened I was once more looking forward to going to the gym after work and making food choices with a sense of personal satisfaction and accomplishment.
Well slump two is here and this time it did more damage (meaning Sunday); Saturday was really hard. I dragged myself to the gym and even though I felt absolutely great about my day after I finished the work-out, I have to admit that I had to fight myself to get up and get dressed that morning to the point that I almost made "Temptation" late for work. Sunday was even worse and I talked myself out of going to the gym between breakfast and football because I wouldn't have time to come home and shower/change in between and I didn't want to sit around in sweaty stinky clothes all day so I told myself I would go after football. Then after football I convinced myself that it wouldn't hurt to take a day off because the pizza upset my stomach.
Yesterday the food choices were easy, prison soup and more prison soup. When I got off work I actually delayed shutting off my computer and stretched my work out so that I could stay "at work" 15 minutes late just because I didn't want to go to the gym. I literally dragged my feet along the carpet as I dressed and briefly tried to talk myself out of going because I couldn't find a clean pair of matching socks to wear. Eventually I went anyway, wearing one black sock and one gray sock but the entire time I was on the treaddy I was literally counting down the minutes until it was over and I almost skipped the tanning bed because I wanted to just go home and be lazy. I realized at the gym that I didn't eat enough early in the day because I started feeling really weak and crappy in the tanning bed but the real problem was motivation ... it's gone and I need it back.
Of course I love that I've lost 27 lbs and that I'm only 10 lbs away from my first goal of being "light" enough to get on a horse again (250 lbs is the max weight allowed by my father on his horses for their own sake). I'm excited that "Temptation" and our friends that we saw on Sunday were all encouraging and complimentary as they noticed how much I've lost in my hips; and that I can now wear some clothes that I haven't worn in a long time while other clothes are getting to be so big that I soon won't be able to wear them anymore. But loving the results isn't producing the motivation that it once was; now the dieting and exercising feels more like work than it used to and I'm forcing myself to do it instead of doing it with enthusiasm as I once did. I hope this passes quickly because it royally sucks; softball season will not arrive a moment too soon!
I know softball season will help because it always makes me happy to go to the park, spend time in the sun, cheer for my team, and this year I'll even be shagging fouls and homers for the blue. It will be great to see all of our old friends again and we always have a lot of laughs and good times; all of that is uplifting and motivating for me ... but right now I just feel down. Really down and for no particular reason. My psych professor would probably call this "learned helplessness" leading to a potential for "mood disorder". Pfft! Tia ... am I wrong here? ;)
9 glasses of water
1 cup of coffee w/creamer
1/2 Whole wheat bagel
2 light laughing cow wedges
1 cup prison soup (lunch)
1 veggie wrap
1 cup mixed fruit
Daily Caloric Intake: 949
Treadmill: 2 miles @ 3.3 mph w/20% incline
Treadmill: 1.25 mile @ 3.5 mph w/10% incline
1 hour rearranging living room furniture and cleaning
>>2 coffee tables
Pussycat Dolls: Wait A Minute
Evanescence: Bring Me to Life
Bon Jovi: Wanted Dead or Alive
Blue October: What If We Could
The Killers: When We Were Young
Apocalyptica: When Worlds Collide
Flogging Molly: Yellow Tinker
Bon Jovi: You Give Love a Bad Name
Sick Puppies: Going Down (3 times!)
Ozziy: Zombie Stomp
Started Over From Beginning