Tuesday, October 11, 2011

All Out War

Yesterday I found myself engaged in a full on battle of will from the moment I woke up until the moment I went to bed.  I'm sure it was 30% hormonal and 70% psychological but all I could think about all day long yesterday was food and eating it.  I woke up and stood in front of the pantry for several minutes wanting something to eat, no idea what, that wasn't in there.  Several times throughout the day I could be found standing in front of an open fridge looking for something, no idea what.

If you've seen my food list from yesterday then you already know that I lost the war.  I was craving something specific but I still don't know what it was.  Whatever it was we didn't have it and I ended up eating just about anything else that presented itself instead.  Snackers was supposed to make chicken crepes from Cook This Not That for supper but I wouldn't let him because, by the time it was supper time, I'd already eaten a full day's worth of calories and then some.

Even worse, all I wanted to do was lay around and do nothing.  I felt like I was depressed but I didn't feel depressed - it's hard to explain.  I felt blah.  The day sucked, nothing sounded good, nothing sounded like fun, I didn't want to do anything but I didn't want to do nothing either.  It was horrible.  THANK GOD FOR BOWLING!  We were both going to skip out on it last night and, at the last second, I realized that we both probably needed to go even if we didn't want to so I got up, got dressed, and bullied Snackers into joining me.  When we couldn't find a parking spot closer than 70 yards from the door I wanted to turn around and go home but I kept my mouth shut and let Snackers park.  When he complained about the distance I gagged on the words "race yah" as they came out but, thankfully, he accepted the challenge.

I thought racing him across an entire parking lot like that would have done more for my psyche but it didn't.  When we got to the bowling alley it was all I could do not to hit the snack bar and buy one of everything but I did end up giving in and getting a glass of wine, which was a mistake.  I lost the battle where I knew I should have bowled at least two games on my own lane while he was playing with his league but I couldn't drag myself to the counter to get the shoes.  I managed to race him back to the car, I won, and that was about all I could muster.  I came home and went straight to bed feeling absolutely shitty about the entire day.

150 oz of water
1 cup of coffee w/creamer
6 baby carrots
1 tbsp peanut butter
1 Healthy Choice lunch
1 antipasto salad w/salsa instead of dressing
1 chicken quesadilla
Daily Caloric Intake: 843

Jumping: 300 times
Walking: 697 steps

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