Ok I know that at least SOME of you have gone through what I have been going through for the past few months so help me out here. When I started this whole thing in November I did so with an "I can do it, and it's going to be rewarding, and it's going to be awesome" mentality. '266's' video inspired the hell out of me and I was ready to kick some butt and take names. Somewhere around February I flat out lost that. I've been able to catch it for a few days or even maybe a few weeks at a time but for the most part, even when I've had really good weeks where I've worked really hard and ate really well I was literally forcing myself. Force is ok, it gets the job done, but I am so tired of feeling like I hate doing what I need to do to lose weight more often than not. I ENJOYED it in the beginning so WTH is wrong with me now?
Well I'm a Scorpio, and Scorps are obsessive people. We get into something and we throw everything we have into it and then when we get bored with it we move on to something else. Unfortunately it's not just walking that I've gotten bored with but working out in general and even, dare I say it, blogging. But I CAN NOT GIVE UP! I can't! I never give up on anything so how do I get my enthusiasm back? How do I remind myself, before I even leave the house or put my shoes on, that going for a walk is going to feel good and be rewarding? Last night I thought about it and then I thought 'nah, I'd rather take a bath and read a book'. I HATE that side of myself - the side that can talk me out of doing things that I know I should do even when I know I will feel better by doing them. Rationalizing bad behavior, I do it ALL THE TIME! It is so irritating and I can't seem to control it!
I am so angry and frustrated and yet I can't even seem to find motivation from those emotions right now! I WANT to keep losing weight but I can't seem to get back to wanting to do what needs to be done to lose it. I'm back to that self-destructive mentality that I had for years before I started this blog where somewhere deep in my mind I'm convinced that I am never really going to get there so it is pointless to try. There is this little worm-pudge voice in my brain telling me that I was born fat. He's back! I want to banish him but I can't figure out how. I'm not depressed (don't freak bro) I'm just frustrated. I waited all winter for the sun to come back and now that's it here I hide from it inside all day and by the time it's cool enough out to go walking I've gone into "relaxation mode" and don't want to. I love the sun! Stupid effing Vegas temperatures be damned part of me WANTS to go walking in the sun. But then I rationalize that I can't take Vladdy because the ground burns his feet and if I go without Vladdy it's not fair to him so I should wait ... and then I wait myself right out of going at all. Will someone please come to Las Vegas and slap the shit out of me? Please?!
p.s. I'm posting my water in oz now instead of glasses because I was drinking 8 oz glasses but for the last few weeks I've been refilling and drinking 20 oz bottles so I realized that, on average, I've gone from approximately 64 oz of water per day to 160 ... which seems like it might be a bit excessive? And that might be why I've had a much harder time getting those last two bottles down the gullet at night. lol At any rate, I think tracking oz instead of glasses is going to be more accurate.
140 oz of water
1 cup of coffee w/creamer
1 fish burrito (brunch)
2 small chicken tacos
1 jr. frosty (in a moment of post-workout weakness)
Daily Caloric Intake: 1,254
Yard Work: (30 mins) trimmed the hedges in the front yard with manual clippers, picked up all the clippings and put them in the trash.
Walking: 3.4 miles (6,780 steps) with Vladdy yanking on me the entire time.