Compromising

Snackers wants to go up to Red Rock and go hiking this weekend.  That is something that I have wanted to do since we first moved here but could never catch him in the right mood for it.  The fact that he is willing this weekend is an effort, on his part, and yet, here I am with PF pain.  Actually both yesterday and today felt less like PF and more like a bruise on the bottom of my heel.  The traditional PF characteristics such as pain after waking up in the morning or sitting for a long time have not been present, just mild heel pain when I stand or walk that feels just like pushing on a bruise.  I take that as a good sign.  Maybe I just got a bit too vigorous with the ice packs and golf balls.

Last night I decided to take a short walk to the mailbox to check the mail.  My heel was fine but I felt that sharp, shooting pain from my tailbone up the right-center of my lower back.  I think I need an adjustment.  I haven't had one since I was 19 and the weight gains and losses since that time probably have me all out of alignment.  I will have to price out chiropractors today and see what I find for a decent fee.  Maybe Snackers will get one with me, he's never had one and I can't even put into words how much better they can make you feel, help you sleep, and alleviate odd little pings and pains like the one in my tailbone.  The fact that the pain shoots up but does not, at all, shoot down into my hips or legs is an excellent sign.  Usually pain that extends through or beyond a joint is a sign of pretty serious damage.  I am thinking it is either a knotted muscle that occasionally gets pulled just the wrong way, or that my spine is slightly out of alignment due to limping because of the PF and it slips every once in awhile.

I would really like to go to Red Rock this weekend though, so I am going to baby my foot and make sure it has more than enough opportunity to get better.  But my motivation has become low because of the aches and pains.  Last night's little work out was weak and I knew it even as I was counting out the reps.  I'm back to that place where I want to get off work and just relax on the sofa until bed time despite my frustrations over this epic stall I've been in.  I am just NINE POUNDS away from weighing less than Snackers.  Do you have any idea how badly I want to reach that little side goal?  Yet no matter how bad my head wants it, I can't seem to make my motivation cooperate.  This is so much harder than it was when I first started.  Why?  Shouldn't it be getting easier?




Food:
140 oz of water
1 Fiber One bar
1 leftover homemade burger
1 serving pickles and PB
2 cups leftover stew
1 glass of red wine
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Daily Caloric Intake: 1,246




Activity:
I did it again. :(  I kissed Snackers goodby as he left for football, warmed and ate supper, and then took a hot bath with a new book and a glass of wine.  By the time I got out of the bath it was past 8 p.m.!  It was a pretty good book.  I fed the animals, gave Kody and Vladdy their pain meds and then laid down in bed to read some more and fell asleep without working out and without posting.  Obviously, I should have done SOMETHING physical before taking a bath but my motivation SUCKS!  I am so tired of this psychological tug of war I have myself in.  It is really hard to force myself to do something when I really have zero motivation to do it ... typical Scorpio.  And yet when I have motivation to do something I kick ass at it!  I need my damn motivation back and I need it to stick around for awhile like it was when I first started this.  This crap where I'm motivated for 5 - 7 days and then just want to lay around doing nothing is starting to piss me off.  Maybe I need to start taking a metabolism booster or energy pill or something so that I have more ambition.  Of course my brother will tell me I've over trained and that until I actually take his advice and give myself some time, this on/off crap will continue but I thought I'd done that, haven't I?  Maybe not.  I try but then I feel guilty.  I don't want to work out because of guilt, I want to work out because of motivation and excitement to accomplish goals.  Grr.  I'm mad at me; unfortunately being mad at myself doesn't seem to be enough to spurn motivation either though.