So I could spend this entire post pissing and moaning about how much this weekend sucked and why I didn't post anything but I think I've done enough whining and dwelling on Friday's events. So instead I'll say this: I didn't eat well ... not at all. Three sake bombs, three sushi rolls, and one very big involuntary purge led to an early bed time and an extremely nice night of sleep Saturday night. Because of the purge I couldn't even begin to estimate yesterday's caloric intake and we spent today at the lake, all day long nibbling and sipping so no idea what my count was today either but to hell with it ... the weekend accomplished what I needed it to do - it cleared my head and got rid of the anxiety and whatever tomorrow's weigh-in (and work day) brings I will take my lashings and move on with life.
There you have it. I'm going to expect the worst, hope for the best, and accept the reality. Now I just have to find a way develop a new groove in life. You see, I don't handle change well ... not at all and I never really have. Change causes anxiety for me. I would much rather wake up every day knowing what to expect and right now I can't do that - but change is part of life and every time I've ever had to deal with it in the past I've always found a new routine that was comfortable for me so I will do that again. What choice do I have?
And isn't it maddening how once you get started it's like that snowball we have seen rolling down a hill getting bigger as it goes. Tomorrow is a new day - git er done.
ReplyDeleteYeah for the most part I've been that snowball for the past month. Up a little, down a little, up a little but never really back on track. It's frustrating to no end.
ReplyDeleteConcentrate on not going over a certain weight instead of reaching a certain weight. Like, instead of focusing so much on getting to 240 pounds, make your goal to not go over 245 pounds. Stress happens and although you have changed how you think about most foods, it's hard not to go over to some of those old comfort foods.
ReplyDeleteChange your focus a bit, especially now that you're going through work changes, so you don't stress yourself out even more. This past month I've been sick as can be and I've found that concentrating on not going over a specific weight (275lbs for me) has been easier to focus on than obsessing on getting down to 269 pounds.
You've made positive changes in your life. Even those few times that you've gained you've recognized what you did, admitted to yourself and the world how you went off plan, and then managed to pull yourself back to doing what you need to do.
Laryssa,
ReplyDeleteOk here goes. I will NOT go over 245! I am at 245 now and if I go up even a little I'll be backtracking on previously accomplish goals like losing 40 lbs and getting under 250 and I can't do that. I can't! My major source of self-ass-kicking is that I feel like all of February and March were a complete failure and I need to stop that because that is causing me to feel like I should just give up.
To revisit the tire analogy I've blown a tire and I'm standing on the side of the road with a pistol pointed at the other three, finger on the trigger, screaming in my head 'DON'T DO IT!'
If I look at all of Feburary and March objectively, based entirely on the numbers, I was 255.0 on my first Feb. weigh-in on 02/07/11. I was 245.0 today, first weigh-in of April. Which means that even though I ~feel~ like I've been upsy-downs for two months, really I have lost 10 lbs. I need to focus on that. It FEELS upsy-downs but really ... I'm still down overall and I have to find a way to use that as motivation so that I'll stop being angry at myself. Sure, it would have been 12 lbs or more had I tried a little harder but at least I'm not right where I was two months ago, or worse, heavier than I was two months ago.
I need someone to slap me. TIA!!! You've never had a problem slapping me before when I needed it. Remember when Shanon did pop-oral exams and everyone started to freak out and you grabbed me by the shoulders and said 'BREATHE YOU CAN DO THIS!' Yeah ... I need you my old friend. Make me stop feeling sorry for myself and start acting like the pain-in-the-ass, kick-butt-and-take-names woman we all know and love. You too Ki, miss "stop whining and do your push-ups or I'll make you do the rest of them with me sitting on you" and "tap-out or pass-out, easy is for wimps".