Today is weigh-in thirteen and, as I predicted, zero loss. I'm ok with that this time though, I really thought I would be frustrated and disappointed with myself but I'm actually not. I have over 500 days to reach my goal and I'm not going to "slack off" from trying but I don't need to beat myself up or make myself sick trying to lose this weight faster. If I were to continue losing each month at the rate I lost in January I would reach my goal before my birthday this year in November. That would be great and all but I think I've seen pretty concrete evidence that such a rate of loss did some emotional and psychological damage ... I was really, really depressed pretty much all weekend.
I took a day off yesterday, not just from the gym but from everything. I enjoyed some wine during the super bowl, I nibbled on cucumbers, raw green beans, and snow peas in their pods with garlic hummus and the occasional nibble at some bean dip. I pulled the bacon off a piece of bacon wrapped shrimp and ate just the shrimp (Snack Money ate the bacon for me): just one piece. I even enjoyed two or three deep fried oreo cookies for dessert and I'm really pleased with the fact that, in spite of there being a giant plate of them, two or three were enough to lift my spirits without raising the number on the scale. I was conscious of what I ate yesterday but not obsessive. Instead of fixing a big plate and sitting on my ass to eat it I stood because standing burns more calories (not as much as exercise but more than sitting). I volunteered to do dishes, and helped out with a smidge of the cooking where I could all in an attempt to be conscious of my activities and you know what? I had a really nice time.
So the Steelers lost the super bowl, that sucked. And Troy Polamalu didn't get me the interception that I bet $5 he would, that sucked too. But I did win my $5 bet on a special teams or defensive touchdown which paid $16 so I'm actually up $6 overall. We enjoyed spending time with our friends and they had a beautiful spread of fresh veggies for nibbling that I thought was extremely gracious of them. They're really great people and it was nice to spend time with them and enjoy it again without stressing myself out.
So I had a few bad days this week, I took a few days off from the gym ... but I feel like I really needed it and I also feel like it helped. I didn't gain anything and not losing anything doesn't mean I've failed it just means I've extended my loss efforts by a week. Well I've got plenty of time so one week every now and again won't kill me. Our friend from last night walked past me as I was standing in the living room and said "wow your butt is getting smaller" ... it's weird I know because Snack Monkey has been saying things like that all along but that one little comment from her was like ambrosia from heaven. It lifted my spirits in ways I can't even put into words. I'm fairly certain that at least one person on Snack Monkey's softball team will notice the weight I've lost tomorrow and I'm looking forward to seeing if anyone says anything. They noticed when I stripped the red from my hair, even though it wasn't entirely successful and there is still a lot of red left in it, and they're a really great group of people. I can't wait to see them all again! Does anyone know how big around a community softball field is?
I am convinced, now more than ever, that my mood was my body's way of screaming for nourishment and rest. As you know I took the last three days off from the gym and I even took yesterday off from counting (still mindful, but not counting). Today I felt IMMEASURABLY BETTER! I even walked my usual 3.28 miles at 3.3 mph w/20% incline and it felt easy. It felt good. I broke a sweat but not a dripping, drenching, panting sweat like I have been the last few weeks. I slept better last night, I still woke up a lot but the time spent sleeping was a deeper more restful sleep. Tonight's 60 minute of walking was over before I realized it and I stepped off the treadmill feeling energized instead of run-down. I climbed the stairs to my apartment with energy and enthusiasm and even now, after having dinner and resting for a bit, I feel good. Relaxed but not lethargic, aware but not anxious. I need to remember this for the future, for the next time I hit a slump and can't figure out why. I was like a computer that had frozen up and all I really needed was a good reboot. Help me remember this next time I start whining ok? Make me come back and read this post if I forget.
Sophomore classes started this morning and I have to admit I'm intimidated to no end. First off, the format for participation and assignments is totally different from what I had all through last year so the rhythm I had developed is completely useless to me now and it's going to take some time and obsessing to get used to the new way of doing things. Second, I'm taking a math class. DUN DUN DUN! This is not my first college math class but the previous one I took started with an assessment test and I had the chance to sit down with my professor and say "I haven't taken a math class since third grade" so he worked with me and I managed to just barely get an A ... but this one is straight up college level math and I'm petrified. Plus it has the added pain of being online so simple equations are out of the question, we have to engage in mathematical discussions in order to get participation ... that means defining terminology and stuff instead of just solving problems. Maybe that's good, maybe it's what I need to finally retain math but I'm so scared of this class right now that I am sick to my stomach.
5 glasses of water
1 cup of coffee w/creamer
1 Lean Gourmet frozen lunch
1 foot long chicken sub
>>no cheese, light mayo
>>mustard and vinegar, no oil
>>tomato, onion, olive, cucumber
>>salt, pepper oregano
4 oz sprite (just a few swigs off a 12 oz bottle)
2 bites of Snack Monkey's raspberry cookie
Daily Caloric Intake: 1023
Treadmill: 3.28 miles @ 3.3 mph w/20% incline
More Playlist Additions:
Queen: We Will Rock You
Smash mouth: Walking on the Sun
Bloodhound Gang: The Bad Touch
Proclaimers: 500 Miles
Warrant: Cherry Pie
Limp Bizkit: Rollin'
Crazy Town: Toxic
Crazy Town: Darkside
Crazy Town: Black Cloud
Crazy Town: Hollywood Babylon
Crazy Town: Lollipop Porn
Crazy Town: Revolving Door
Backstreet Boys: Larger than Life
Sonique: Feels So Good
Aaliyah: Try Again