Monday, February 7, 2011

Lucky Number Thirteen

Today is weigh-in thirteen and, as I predicted, zero loss.  I'm ok with that this time though, I really thought I would be frustrated and disappointed with myself but I'm actually not.  I have over 500 days to reach my goal and I'm not going to "slack off" from trying but I don't need to beat myself up or make myself sick trying to lose this weight faster.  If I were to continue losing each month at the rate I lost in January I would reach my goal before my birthday this year in November.  That would be great and all but I think I've seen pretty concrete evidence that such a rate of loss did some emotional and psychological damage ... I was really, really depressed pretty much all weekend.

I took a day off yesterday, not just from the gym but from everything.  I enjoyed some wine during the super bowl, I nibbled on cucumbers, raw green beans, and snow peas in their pods with garlic hummus and the occasional nibble at some bean dip.  I pulled the bacon off a piece of bacon wrapped shrimp and ate just the shrimp (Snack Money ate the bacon for me): just one piece.  I even enjoyed two or three deep fried oreo cookies for dessert and I'm really pleased with the fact that, in spite of there being a giant plate of them, two or three were enough to lift my spirits without raising the number on the scale.  I was conscious of what I ate yesterday but not obsessive.  Instead of fixing a big plate and sitting on my ass to eat it I stood because standing burns more calories (not as much as exercise but more than sitting).  I volunteered to do dishes, and helped out with a smidge of the cooking where I could all in an attempt to be conscious of my activities and you know what?  I had a really nice time.

So the Steelers lost the super bowl, that sucked.  And Troy Polamalu didn't get me the interception that I bet $5 he would, that sucked too.  But I did win my $5 bet on a special teams or defensive touchdown which paid $16 so I'm actually up $6 overall.  We enjoyed spending time with our friends and they had a beautiful spread of fresh veggies for nibbling that I thought was extremely gracious of them.  They're really great people and it was nice to spend time with them and enjoy it again without stressing myself out.

So I had a few bad days this week, I took a few days off from the gym ... but I feel like I really needed it and I also feel like it helped.  I didn't gain anything and not losing anything doesn't mean I've failed it just means I've extended my loss efforts by a week.  Well I've got plenty of time so one week every now and again won't kill me.  Our friend from last night walked past me as I was standing in the living room and said "wow your butt is getting smaller" ... it's weird I know because Snack Monkey has been saying things like that all along but that one little comment from her was like ambrosia from heaven.  It lifted my spirits in ways I can't even put into words.  I'm fairly certain that at least one person on Snack Monkey's softball team will notice the weight I've lost tomorrow and I'm looking forward to seeing if anyone says anything.  They noticed when I stripped the red from my hair, even though it wasn't entirely successful and there is still a lot of red left in it, and they're a really great group of people.  I can't wait to see them all again!  Does anyone know how big around a community softball field is?

I am convinced, now more than ever, that my mood was my body's way of screaming for nourishment and rest.  As you know I took the last three days off from the gym and I even took yesterday off from counting (still mindful, but not counting).  Today I felt IMMEASURABLY BETTER!  I even walked my usual 3.28 miles at 3.3 mph w/20% incline and it felt easy.  It felt good.  I broke a sweat but not a dripping, drenching, panting sweat like I have been the last few weeks.  I slept better last night, I still woke up a lot but the time spent sleeping was a deeper more restful sleep.  Tonight's 60 minute of walking was over before I realized it and I stepped off the treadmill feeling energized instead of run-down.  I climbed the stairs to my apartment with energy and enthusiasm and even now, after having dinner and resting for a bit, I feel good.  Relaxed but not lethargic, aware but not anxious.  I need to remember this for the future, for the next time I hit a slump and can't figure out why.  I was like a computer that had frozen up and all I really needed was a good reboot.  Help me remember this next time I start whining ok?  Make me come back and read this post if I forget.

Sophomore classes started this morning and I have to admit I'm intimidated to no end.  First off, the format for participation and assignments is totally different from what I had all through last year so the rhythm I had developed is completely useless to me now and it's going to take some time and obsessing to get used to the new way of doing things.  Second, I'm taking a math class.  DUN DUN DUN!  This is not my first college math class but the previous one I took started with an assessment test and I had the chance to sit down with my professor and say "I haven't taken a math class since third grade" so he worked with me and I managed to just barely get an A ... but this one is straight up college level math and I'm petrified.  Plus it has the added pain of being online so simple equations are out of the question, we have to engage in mathematical discussions in order to get participation ... that means defining terminology and stuff instead of just solving problems.  Maybe that's good, maybe it's what I need to finally retain math but I'm so scared of this class right now that I am sick to my stomach.

5 glasses of water
1 cup of coffee w/creamer
1 Lean Gourmet frozen lunch
1 foot long chicken sub
>>whole grain
>>no cheese, light mayo
>>mustard and vinegar, no oil
>>tomato, onion, olive, cucumber
>>salt, pepper oregano
4 oz sprite (just a few swigs off a 12 oz bottle)
2 bites of Snack Monkey's raspberry cookie
Daily Caloric Intake: 1023

Treadmill: 3.28 miles @ 3.3 mph w/20% incline
(510 calories)

More Playlist Additions:
Queen: We Will Rock You
Smash mouth: Walking on the Sun
Bloodhound Gang: The Bad Touch
Proclaimers: 500 Miles
Warrant: Cherry Pie
Limp Bizkit: Rollin'
Crazy Town: Toxic
Crazy Town: Darkside
Crazy Town: Black Cloud
Crazy Town: Hollywood Babylon
Crazy Town: Lollipop Porn
Crazy Town: Revolving Door
Backstreet Boys: Larger than Life
Sonique: Feels So Good
Aaliyah: Try Again


  1. Maybe it would help if you went back and tracked what you ate on sunday, and see how many cals it was. If it was more than what you normally eat (many days under 1200) then maybe that is a cue that eating more will help you not feel like hell.

    Also, when you restrict to the level you are, to like 1000 cals or so, you will probably lose a lot in the first month-month and a half, but your loss will slow to a crawl from not eating enough. It's happened to me more times than I can count when I was eating disordered.

    I was eating 1500 cals in jan. I was losing a steady 2 lbs per week, I was also exercising. I had to stop exercising for pain reasons, so I lowered my cals to 1300, my loss has slowed to about 1 lb per every 7-10 days. I am SO mad. But, it's a learning experience. I am going to put it back up to 1500 again and see if that helps me get back to a 2 lb loss.

    Math says if you eat almost nothing you will lose, simple equation of cals in and cals out, but, that does not take into account the way your body will respond (it's got a mind of it's own) to the abuse we put it through.

    Maybe try slowly upping, it might help you lose.

  2. Deep fried oreo cookies for dessert. OMG what is that and who would think of something like that. LOL. That is just wrong.

  3. Like I said... overtraining. The symptoms you complained of a few days ago were *classic* overtraining symptoms (and by 'overtraining', 'overdieting' is included b/c the basic definition of 'overtraining' is just 'overstressed' and dieting is absolutely a stressful activity).

    Not only would you do well to remember this for the future, but you should really take a few a read up about it -- it's a fascinating problem that few exercise or diet enthusiasts ever address.

    As for the math... yep, welcome to the CS-world... you better just decide right here and now to NOT be scared of math and decide instead to EMBRACE it... for the next x-number of years, you better just make math your FRIEND. I don't about your program, but in my CS-program I had to take a math class every single semester for 3 years. That's 9 math classes.

    I know where you're coming from; pretty sure you are naturally better at math than I am. I hated math. But I still managed to pull an A in every one of them except trig (B+). You can do it, I'm positive of that. But the first step is to EMBRACE math; and by that I mean that right now you must practically live and breath math. If you aren't doing at least a few math problems EVERY SINGLE DAY, you aren't truly embracing it.

    Make math your friend.
    Make it your life.
    Make it your passion.
    In a few months you'll be done with it and you can set it aside; but for now you must live for math.

    At least, that's the only way *I* could get through it successfully.

  4. I totally agree with Beyond Wllpower...upping the calories will help you FEEL better, and help your mood IMO. Plus with all that exercise, food is fuel keeping your metabolism stoked. Everyone has a diff opinion on this whole equation but I am not a fan of the calorie in/calorie out theory. Even using that theory I think your cals are way low.
    Glad you are recharged a bit and feeling better. Onward to weigh-in 14!

  5. Willpower: I am trying but sometimes it seems like the only way to add more calories at the end of the day is to eat crap which I don't want to do. I need to try to map my calories better, focus on trying to eat 400 calories 3 x a day or something. It's just that eating breakfast is hard on weekdays.

    Gracie: Deep Fried Oreos (and deep friend twinkis) are a Las Vegas staple. Almost every casino here offers them and when you order them they usually come in this pyramid shaped tower topped with powdered sugar, ice cream, whipped cream, and chocolate sauce. Now on Sunday they were home made oreo's so there wasn't an ice cream, whipped cream or chocolate sauce and I for the two or three I ate I tried to pick ones with very little to no visible powdered sugar but basically they are oreo cookies dipped in bisquick batter and deep fried in oil. Vegas does deep fried candy bars too, like Snickers and Mars, but I've never tried one of those.

    Brandon: yes your previous information regarding overtraining was a big reason why I didn't feel so bad about taking three days off and upping my calories a little. I don't think I could have done the full week(s) that you suggested but the concept you offered was sound and made sense to me.