So I've been browsing blogs for weight-loss lately and I've noticed that the incentives and motivations for blogging about dieting are many and varied. Some of us blog because we hope that our journeys can inspire others, some of us use it as more of a personal journal of our experiences and don't really care if anyone reads it all, and some of us use it as motivation to boost each other up, celebrate our successes together, and receive support through the hard times.
Although my "Articles of Faith" explained the details of the blog, schedules, and my personal beliefs regarding my personal diet and weight-loss journey; I realized that some of you may be wondering why I am doing this so publicly. Some of you, especially those of you who know me quite well, know two things about me: 1) I like to perform and I have enjoyed performing ever since I was a kid. 2) My problems with weight have a very profound effect on my psyche. For the rest of you who are just getting to know me, I would like to explain both of these in further detail.
Performing: I don't necessarily consider myself an attention junky because, when I am not in the mood to get on a stage and perform, I tend to be a bit of a wall flower. At parties or big gatherings I am usually alone or with one or two close people engaging in quiet conversation and observing others. I enjoy participating in group conversations and I usually have plenty to say, but I'm not the "dance on the coffee table for attention" type at all. However, I've done a few beauty pageants (two to be exact, if you don't count Dimple Darling when I was a baby), I like to sing and have performed publicly in fairs and community events (even stood in line for 16 hours for American Idle in Chicago and never got to audition), and I'm good with speaking in public or making a spectacle of myself when asked (usually).
Weight Issues: I'm the fat girl who calls herself a fat girl. There it is, I'll just put it out there for everyone to see. I frequently joke about my own weight and I really can't stand it when skinny people act all uncomfortable and awkward when I call myself fat. Just stating the obvious! I especially hate "oh no, you're not fat." LIARS! But I'm not really as happy-go-lucky about my weight as I seem, in fact I think I use self-deprication as a defense mechanism. If I call myself fat first it can't hurt me when someone else says it, right? Not really, but that's the theory I've been going with.
Why I blog: My love for performing and my natural instinct of having to do my very best (Never give up! The show must go on!) when others are watching is a major factor. I can fail, sure. Sometimes I do it quite well, but I don't typically fail when I know someone is watching me. I once sang "Tomorrow" from Annie at a fourth of July celebration in spite of the fact that I'd completely lost my voice from fighting with my sister and wanted nothing more than to run out of the building and hide. It was horrible but I did it anyway because people were watching ... and I put my very damndest effort into it. For most of my life I have failed at my weight because it was a private issue. I'll call me fat but don't anyone else dare say it! ... that was my mentality. The day I started this blog I did so because I had an epiphany. What if I can exploit my fear of public failure and use it to finally lose weight? If I make my struggle with weight-loss extremely public, to strangers and all, will my "the show must go on" personality take over and succeed where my "it's my body and my problem" personality has failed? So far the answer to that question seems to be YES.
When "Temptation" calls me up and says "I'm going to Burger King, want anything?" I look at my daily caloric intake and think "I can eat 1,200 calories today so a cheeseburger should be totally do-able" but then I think "What are my readers going to say when I list a cheeseburger on my daily food intake? They're going to rip me a new one ... even if I don't exceed my caloric goal for the day." And then I say to "Temptation": "no thanks, but would you mind stopping at Subway after you hit the drive through?"
4 glasses of water
1 cup of coffee with creamer
1 grilled chicken salad with low-fat balsamic dressing
2 dinner rolls
8 oz Sundried Tomato pork loin
1/2 cup white rice w/lemon pepper
1 avocado w/salt & pepper
1 Snicker's 90 Calorie Ice cream snack
1 Reese's 100 calorie snack pack
Daily Caloric Intake: 1,422
Last day off, tomorrow I will be back on the 300 + burn bandwagon!! YAY!