It's Here!!!

The proof for my latest book arrived in the mail yesterday and it looks beautiful!  It's quite a bit thicker than I thought it would be and Snackers got so excited after seeing it that he asked me to read it to him.  He doesn't read ... like seriously the last time he picked up a book was in high school because he had to.  I figured he'd get bored after the prologue but he just had me keep reading until finally I was the one who said "We need to go play tennis before it gets too cold to go".  Just a reminder, all three of my books are free today on Kindle and you can read kindle books on any computer, iPad, iPhone, etc. with the Kindle ap.

For those of you that want to read it but aren't into e-books it will be available in book stores soon.  I actually found out that it is cheaper to order Dhampiri through Barnes & Noble than it is to buy it from Amazon.com or my publisher.  The price of the book is the same in all three places but Barnes & Noble won't charge you S&H if you order it through your local store and then pick it up from them so you'll save a few bucks that way.  They say it takes about 4-6 weeks before a new pub is available in stores so I'll keep you posted if you want me to.

Tennis last night was A BLAST!!!!  It was cold and windy and it started to rain on us shortly after we got on the courts but we kept playing anyway.  This was my very first time ever attempting to play tennis and am NOT good at all and Snackers isn't great at it either so we didn't keep score and we didn't stick to the rules - we focused more on getting the ball over the net and getting a good volley going with it.  Snackers kept saying "We gotta get to 10" so we kept counting every time we would hit it over but the longest volley we had was 9.  That's ok, we both had fun and can't wait to go back and try again.

The really cool thing about tennis is that if you get so concentrated on trying to just get that volley going you don't realize that you're exercising or even breathing hard.  We had three balls so we'd play them all and then gather them up and go at it again so when we'd stop to gather the balls I'd realize I was tired but while we were actually playing I was running and diving all over the court just trying to keep the ball in play.  It reminded me of a grown-up version of the game we always played with a balloon when we were kids - only one rule, don't let it touch the floor. lol  Of course we let the ball bounce, as many times as we needed, as long as we could hit it over the net.  It was a really good time and judging by the MONSTER charlie horse I got in my right calf last night when I went to bed - I'd say pretty damn good exercise.  You never see fat tennis players, after all, do you? lol




Food:
130 oz of water
1 cup of coffee w/creamer
1 fruit shake
1 healthy choice lunch
1 can hearts of palm
2 home-made mini pizzas (cook this not that)
-------------------------------
Daily Caloric Intake: 869




Activity:
Yoga: 30 minutes
Tennis: 45 minutes
Walking: 45 minutes
-----------------------
Fitocracy Points: 250

Couting Down

Well, as of today I have 5 weeks left of school.  My brother-in-law will be coming to visit next weekend.  I'll be graduating in 3 months.  And two of my book promotions start today while the other starts tomorrow which means I can finally download my own damn books on my own damn kindle.  I guess today is the day for count-downs.

I'm also waiting for the proof/paperback copy of The Citizens to arrive in the mail and I can't wait to see it.  I'm really excited.  As I tend to do when I finish one project, I found myself looking for something new to do last night.  I've missed painting and drawing so while we were out and about yesterday I swung into an art supply store to look around and picked up a simple little oil-color paint kit.  I have the brushes, canvas, etc. but didn't have the paints.  I picked up a magazine at the book store that had pictures of large cats in it and last night after we finally came in from running around I sat down and started sketching out a picture that I'm going to try to paint.  I've never painted in oils before so I don't know if I'll be any good at it but it's something that I've always wanted to try.  Of course this is one more "on-my-ass" activity so I am going to have to be careful not to do what I always do and obsess over it until it's done.  I'll have to really manage myself so that I only sit down to paint in moderation and not at the expense of other things like exercise or working on the sequel to The Citizens.

Also my favorite author, Kim Harrison, has a new book coming out tomorrow that I've been itching to read so that's one more thing to add to my "in moderation" to-do list.  I've read every book in the series (The Hollows novels) and I absolutely love them so when Amazon sent me an email letting me know she had a new one coming I put it on the calendar and started counting down the days.  Oi ... I do this to myself.  I know.  I just have too many interests and love to do too many things and then wonder why I'm always feeling so busy and stressed out.

Weight: 238 (I'm very swollen today though from all the walking we did this weekend.  Fingers, toes, and knees are puffy and calves are extremely tight so I'm not counting this as a fat gain.  I'm almost positive it's water weight).

Today's Shake: 1 apple, 1 plum, 1 nectarine, 1 cup cherry tomatoes, 1 cup cranberry-grape juice, 1 cup water (three 12oz servings)






Food:
120 oz of water
1 cup of coffee w/creamer
1 fruit shake
1 healthy choice lunch
8 oz grilled skirt steak
8 asparagus spears, grilled
1 skinny cow ice cream
------------------------------
Daily Caloric Intake: 1125




Activity:
Yoga: 30 minutes
Tennis: 1 hour (w/Snackers)
----------------------------
Fitocracy Points: 289

Saturday Rocks!

WRITTEN SATURDAY: Got up this morning and immediately put on my work-out clothes and shoes so that I was locked in to getting on the treadmill after Snackers left for work and couldn't talk myself out of it. It worked!!! Guzzeled a bottle of water and half of my daily coffee, plugged my headphones into the ipad and turned on some Netflix and went to work. I winged it today because I knew I wanted to push myself but not in the same way that the pre-programmed work out did the other day. Running for 4 minutes at 4.0 then 5.0 and then 4.0 again (12 minutes total) was way above and beyond my ability and I had to pause the treadmill twice to rest inbetween which meant standing stationary doing nothing which isn't good so today I mixed it up a bit.

I switched on and off between 3.0 to 3.5 mph walks with a 2.5% incline and 5.0 mph runs with a 1.5% incline, averaging 3.23 mph in a 60 minute workout. That's actually slower than I would like since, if I'd just been walking I know I could have sustained 3.5 for the whole 60 minutes BUT I really want to build my stamina as a runner and I've read in multiple places that the best way to do that is to run in small bursts and gradually increase them as they get easier so that's what I'm going to do.

I feel good! 60 minutes of exercise, took a nice long bath, it's noon-thirty and my caloric intake is lower than it should be but at least it's not higher than it should be so I'm pretty stoked. It's been a good start to the day so far.




Saturday Food:
130 oz of water
1 cup of coffee w/ creamer
1 granola bar
1 can hearts of palm
1 serving leftover lasagna
1 portabella mushroom sandwich
-------------------------------------
Daily Caloric Intake:  1097




Sunday Food:
90 oz of water
1 cup of coffee (plain)
1 bagel, toasted (no butter or cream cheese)
5 oz corned beef
1/2 cup pico de gallo
1/2 shepherd's pie (split w/Snackers)
1 glass white zin
1 cup fat free frozen yogurt (in lieu of the deep fried twinkie that Snackers had lol)
---------------------------------------
Daily Caloric Intake: 1084







Saturday Activity:
Treadmill: Walk/Run (3.23 mph avg. for 60 min)
Walking @ Town Square w/ Snackers: 45 minutes
Walking/Grocery Shopping: 20 min.
Yoga: 30 minutes
--------------------------------------------
Fitocracy Points: 276





Sunday Activity:
Walking (@ Farmer's Market, sporting goods store, art supply store): 45 min combined.
Walking (@ Duck Creek w/dogs): 1.5 hrs
Walking (@ Swap meet): 1.5 hrs
Walking (@ WalMart & Barnes & Noble): 45 min.
-------------------------------------------------
Fitocracy Points: 68 (low points for walking but we spent the entire day on our feet and by the time we got home last night we were both exhausted).

Book Talk

I briefly mentioned that my two current books will be available for free in a few days but I also promised to provide a link when the newest book became available - and it is.  I know this is a weight loss blog and not a book club so I'm just going to recap for those of you who want it and I'll keep it short and sweet for those of you who don't.

Dhampiri: (Click Here for Amazon purchase)
Promotion Dates: February 28th - March 1st
Description: Colleen Patrick thought she was just going to the market one autumn day in 1872, when everything she knew about herself – and the world around her – abruptly changed. Living the American dream, she had been happy with her young, Irish husband on their small farm in Kentucky. Little did she know the town’s exotic gypsy family is actually a family of Vampires with big plans for her: plans that did not necessarily require her consent.

At just twenty-two years old, tragically removed from her life and thrust into an existence for which she was carefully selected, she is now a murderer, a widow, and an immortal.

As this epic tale unfolds Colleen is abruptly taken captive by a clan of Valkyries, demanding vengeance for a war which happened long before she was born, turning her world upside down once more. Now she must choose between the family she has grown to love and the delicate toddler who's life is in her hands.



A-Musing Adolescence: (Click Here for Amazon purchase)
Promotion Dates: February 27th - March 2nd
Description: From ages twelve to seventeen L. M. Smith found herself frequently experiencing a need and a desire to express how she was feeling. Fraught with the troubles of all young girls, as well as the tribulations and triumphs, she put her experiences to pen whenever something moved her.

This is a collection from her heart as she experienced love, sorrow, joy, spirituality, and wonder with a passion and exuberance that only a young soul could. From one adolescent to another, this collection is both for the young, and the young-at-heart.



The Citizens: (Click Here for Amazon purchase)
Promotion Dates: February 27th - March 2nd
Description: Imagine a town where you can stay out as late as you want, wake up when it suits you, you never have to go to work, and everything is free for the taking. Sounds perfect right? But what if you can’t remember where you are or how you got there? What if you can’t ever leave? And what if the only other people around are hostages, just like you? Would you still want to stay?

Jasmine Marshall certainly didn’t think so until she met Justin Beck; a dashing active-duty member of the United States Army and fellow hostage. With him around life in Kolob might not be so bad after all … or so she thought. There are vampires and psychics at the breakfast table! Disturbing acts of torture and senseless violence are commonplace. Biochemical warfare is a very real threat, and the town’s mayor is an elusive mad-scientist obsessed with his own theories about December 21, 2012!

In a place where one has everything to gain and nothing to lose, one thing reigns true: nothing in Kolob is ever as it seems.





Food:
120 oz of water
1 cup of coffee w/creamer
1 granola bar
1 healthy choice lunch
2 tsps peanut butter
3 tuna rolls
1 cup of popcorn, dry
--------------------------
Daily Caloric Intake: 1011




Activity:
Yoga: 30 minutes
Sprints: 2 (@ the dog park)
--------------------------
Fitocracy Points: 117

My New Treadmill!

Snackers brought me home a treadmill yesterday!!!  YAY!  It's used, of course, but it's not a bad little machine.  It has different fat burner and cross training settings, all of the buttons work, and it inclines.  I got on it last night as soon as I got off work and did the first fat burner routine on the program which turned out to be a 20 minute kick in the pants!  It started off walking at 1.5 mph for 2 minutes which was, in my opinion, way slow.  Then it kicked up to walking at 3.5 mph for 4 minutes which was comfortable for me.  Next it went to the really awkward pace of 4 mph for 2 minutes which was tough because it was almost too fast to walk and too slow to jog.  I jogged it but it was really hard to get into a rhythm with it.  After that it jumped to 5 mph for 4 minutes which was a pretty decent jog!!!  I did it though!  Which is amazing!!  And without shin-splints!!!!

Snackers came out to the garage (where we're keeping it) and said "I've never seen your face this red before" and I was literally dripping sweat all over the place so I guess it was a pretty damn good work out.  I think that's probably the longest I've ever jogged at one time and I am really stoked about it.  Technically that means I've completed another item off of my goal list:  Item #10, Run on a Treadmill.  However, I promised myself that I wouldn't go completing those things out of order so I have to finish 6 through 9 before I can count it and then I'll have to do it again.  That won't be a problem though, I really liked knowing that I was burning about as many calories in a 4 minute jog as I would have spent 20 minutes to burn walking.  I like jogging ... now I just need to build up my stamina so it doesn't feel so much like it's going to kill me.

After the jog at 5 it when back down to the awkward pace of 4 for 2 minutes, then back to 3.5 for another 4, and then 1.5 for 2.  Snackers watched the last half and when I got done I said "Ok, you gotta do what I just did."  He was all bravato like "No problem!"  So I cued it up, he jumped on and started out being a smart-ass trying to walk sideways on it and act all super-man.  It got to 4 mph and he found it just as awkward as I did (which actually made me feel better lol) and then when he got to five for a few minutes he was like "This is ridiculous!"  HA!  Not as easy as it looks huh Snacker-poo?!  But he did stick with it and when he finished his routine dinner was done with perfect timing.

We ate and then the two of us tag-teamed a deep clean on the kitchen.  We've been going out and doing fun stuff every night this week and it was starting to get messy but after four years we're finally starting to realize that EVERYTHING is easier when we do it together so we both dug in and got it done.  We didn't just "clean the kitchen" though ... we kicked the kitchen's ass.  Once the dishes were out of the way and the counters were clean we wiped down cupboards, cleaned out the fridge, cleaned the oven, mopped the floor and washed the wall by the trash can.  When that was done we tag-teamed the laundry that has also been piling up this week.

We felt pretty accomplished.  One thing I forgot to post on my food intake yesterday that I just remembered is that I picked up a box of assorted cherry tomatoes when we were at the store for my shoes the other day (Trader Joe's right next to the shoe store) so I had a cup of those last night after we got done cleaning.  I have to say - I think they're my new favorite snack!!!  They're tiny and they come in red and yellow and you can pop them in your mouth and eat them just like M&M's but they are the sweetest most flavorful tomatoes I've ever eaten.  They're an awesome snack and probably the absolute healthiest thing I've snacked on so far!

p.s. I received another set of free-promotions from Amazon.com for Dhampiri and A-Musing Adolescence so if you've been wanting to read them and have either a Kindle or the Kindle ap on your computer or other device, both books will be free next week.

Dhampiri: February 28th through March 1st
A-Musing Adolescence: February 27th through March 2nd

Download links for both books can be found in the upper-left margin of this blog.






Food:
140 oz of water
1 cup of coffee w/creamer
1 granola bar
1 can hearts of palm
1 healthy choice lunch
1 cup tom yum soup
1 cup pad thai
1 cup shredded carrot salad
-------------------------------
Daily Caloric Intake: 1107





Activity:
Yoga: 30 minutes
Rearranging the Living Room / Moving Furniture: 45 minutes
----------------------------
Fitocracy Points: 207

Softball One-on-One

Last night was super fun!  As you might remember, Snackers used to play softball every week before we bought the house, then he decided to coach football and join a bowling league instead for something different and hasn't played since.  Earlier this month he decided he wants to try to get back into softball this year and in the past when he's played he's really wanted me to play too but ... I'm terrified of the ball.

I used to play softball when I was a kid ... in fact I was relatively good at it.  I could catch, throw alright for my age, and when I could actually hit the ball I could really knock it out.  Then one summer I was practicing catching pop flies, tripped on a rock, put my hand down to stop my fall WITH the ball in my mitt and broke my wrist.  Not a week later my best friend took a ball to the face while playing catcher and broke her nose.  Her eyes rolled up in her head, blood spewed down her face and she had to be rushed to the ER ... and I've never played since.

So I told Snackers last night that I want to start trying to get over that fear.  I tried to practice with his team when he was on one and had a full-blown panic attack in the outfield when I just THOUGHT that a ball might come my way.  I was 11 when my friend broke her nose ... that can be very traumatic!  So first thing's first Snackers decided that I needed a better pair of shoes - and I couldn't argue.  I've got my $10-special rockers from Wal-Mart that are great for walking/toning but they SUCK for running.  Monday night, for example, when I ran to the park my shins started aching 5-10 steps into the run.  I read online that shin splints are caused either by landing with too much pressure on the heel of the foot or pushing off too hard with the toe.  Since rockers don't really provide any flat stability in either of those areas, I was pretty confident that ... while great for walking, they were causing my shin splints.  Last week when we picked him up a new pair of running shoes we went to Big 5 and they had some really sweet deals on some really nice looking shoes so we went back there to see what we could find for me.  The problem with women's shoes is that it's really hard to find anything that isn't pink!  I mentioned this to the sales guy when he pointed out an awesome looking trainer and he looked at my feet, asked what size I wear, and told me I could probably wear a very small men's shoe.  SWEET!  So I found some really nice looking, all black running shoes with the little spring supports in the heels and when I put them on my shins instantly stopped hurting.  Huh!

So we also had to buy a softball because Vladdy ate our old one and then we headed to the park.  We played catch for about 20 minutes to warm up and then Snackers pitched to me while I practiced batting.  I actually did pretty damn good and every time I hit the ball past Snackers I'd start trying to run the bases and he'd try to run to get the ball and then chase me down so we were full blown running a lot.  It was really great exercise for both of us.  I threw a few pitches for him too and then had to run to get the ball and try to chase him down and tag him also.  We did that for about 40 minutes and were both sweating and breathing hard so I think we had a pretty great workout.




Food:
120 oz of water
1 cup of coffee w/creamer
1 granola bar
1 chicken veggie wrap
1 serving lasagna w/bread
------------------------------
Daily Caloric Intake: 1126




Activity:
Yoga: 30 minutes
Treadmill: 4 min @ 1.5 mph (warm-up/cool-down)
Treadmill: 8 min @ 3.5 mph (walking)
Treadmill: 4 min @ 4.0 mph (slow jog)
Treadmill: 4 min @ 5.0 mph (jogging)
All treadmill activities were w/a 1.5% incline
---------------------------------------------
Fitocracy Points: 155

Basketball Again

Last night Snackers wasn't in the mood to go walking when I was in the mood to go walking and then later in the evening he wanted to go do something and I wanted to just sit on my ass.  He asked me if I wanted to go to the mall, go walk around the casino, go to the dog park, etc. and I just couldn't get my butt in gear and get motivated.  He finally asked me if I wanted to go play basketball, which I didn't really, and then put his shoes, socks, and jacket on so that he was all ready to go.  I said "I know I should but I don't want to" and he said "You should, we should, come on hunny let's go."  So we did.

Once I got my shoes and jacket on it was a lot easier to feel motivated.  I ended up jogging from the house to the park.  We then played some 1-on-1 for 30 minutes and then played around the world (I led through the whole game but then lost by ONE shot) in which I insisted on shagging ALL of the balls so I was running around like a crazy person catching all of my misses and his.  Then we jogged home.  I'm pretty proud of it, though not as sore today as I would have hoped.




Food:
120 oz of water
1 cup of coffee w/creamer
1 granola bar
1 healthy choice lunch
1 fish burrito
4 thin mint cookies (160 cals)
--------------------------------
Daily Caloric Intake:  1091





Activity:
Yoga: 30 minutes
Catch: 20 minutes
Softball: 40 minutes
---------------------
Fitocracy Points: 201

Finito!!!

Cats in the big tree

I've been working a lot on my latest book and putting in a lot of hours on it and I am thrilled to say that the Kindle version is DONE!  Finished!  Finito!  It's been uploaded and should go live on the Amazon.com website within the next 24 hours!  YAY!  This is, in my opinion, the best book I've written so far and I should add that, even though I've only published two books so far (this will be the third) I've written over a dozen books over the years but I've never been as happy with any of them as I am with this one.  I already have plans for at least two sequels to this book.  I just hope that you won't take my haphazard writing and typos on this blog for the level of work I put out in this new book.  I spent a lot of time rereading and editing it and I am really happy with it.  I'll post a link as soon as it goes live.

I have also completed formatting of the text for paperback but I still have to finish the cover before I can send it to the printer and prep it for public circulation.  I'm so stoked!

Weight: 236.5 (with only a 1/2 lb loss I'm not posting it to the thread but I'm going to work a lot harder this week to start getting back out of the 230's.  I've done it once, I can do it again!  Here are some pictures from the weekend.

Kody with his statue and mug likenesses

Food:
140 oz of water
2 cup of coffee w/creamer
1 granola bar
2 cups of popcorn
6 oz oven roasted pork loin
2 cups diced baked potato pieces
------------------------------------
Daily Caloric Intake: 935




Activity:
Yoga: 30 minutes
Jogging: 300 ft x 2 (jogged to the park and back, approx. length of a football field)
Basketball: 45 minutes

Weekend Catch-Up

Sorry I didn't post this weekend, we kept ourselves very busy for the most part and had a really nice and active weekend!  Here is the catch-up post for Saturday and Sunday.


Saturday we got up, picked up Snacker's check and went to the bank to cash it, then we went to lunch and stopped to pick up our ceramics projects that we did on Valentines day, grabbed some lunch and walked around Town Square for awhile playing with everyone's dogs.  After that we came home and took a short nap, then got up and went out to grab something to eat, then we picked the dogs up and took them to the park to play for a couple of hours.


Sunday we got up early and headed straight out with a busy day planned.  We had a tee-time for 1:20 p.m. and the weather yesterday morning looked like it was going to be absolutely perfect for it.  First we ran to the Farmer's market but the produce guy only had veggies this week. :(  We did pick up some local bee pollen that should help the doggies (and Snackers) with their allergies this year.  From there we headed to the other end of town because Snackers found a sweet deal on the some cat trees on CraigsList and we scored a sweet cat fortress and a smaller tree for less than $100.  This is huge because some of the smaller trees that we were looking at were like $200 for just ONE tree.  This thing is huge with a cubby hole, two baskets, three jumping platforms, two ladders, a lounging platform, two tunnels, and a play rope.  It's massive and fits perfectly in the corner of our bedroom!  After that we realized we had more time to kill before golf than we thought so we came home, got the dogs, and went back to the dog park.  The wind picked up BAD while we were at the park though and as our tee-time approached we realized it was just going to be way too windy to play so we called and canceled it.  We dropped off the dogs and then went to the pet store to get some cat nip to rub on the cat tree, then we came home and assembled the tree and spent about an hour acclimating the cats to it and wiggling bits of rope etc. to get them to play on it.  When we headed out again we stopped by the craft store just to browse, then played a round of Bingo (Snackers won $50!), grabbed dinner, and finally came home to relax.








Saturday Food:
130 oz of water
1 cup of coffee w/creamer
1 caprese salad
4 of Snackers' sweet potato fries
1 cup fat free frozen yogurt
1 pork and bean burrito (extra pico, no sour cream)

-----------------------------------
Daily Caloric Intake: 904








Sunday Food:
110 oz of water
2 cups of coffee w/creamer
1 veggie burrito (black beans, lettuce, tomato, onion, rice: no sour cream)
5 oz prime rib
1 cup steamed veggies (no butter)

-------------------------------------
Daily Caloric Intake: 1120








Saturday Activity:
Walking: 2 hours (around town square)
Sprints x 10 (at the dog park)








Sunday Activity:
Walking: 1 hr (farmer's market)
Lifting: 10 lbs x 4 (small cat tree box, loading/unloading)
Lifting: 25 lbs x 2 (large cat tree, helping Snackers unload and then move once it was put together)
Walking: 45 minutes (combined craft store, dog park, casino)


The really good thing about Casino's is that they want you to walk through them to get anywhere that you want to go so if you want to play Bingo or grab a bite to eat you have to walk through at least half of the casino to get from one place to the other. :)  Casino's are a really great way to get extra walking in.

At Duck Creek

Wednesday night Snackers went to a concert and even though I knew I should have gotten out and exercised without him, I opted to stay in and work on my book - I did, however, weed the yard first because I got a notice from the HOA that it was getting bad.  My first thought was that they were picky but when I got out there and actually started weeding I realized that the weeds weren't big but there were a lot of them - my bad.

So while he was at the concert Snackers sent me a text message that said "I'll do three laps and yoga tomorrow".  Well I did the Jekyll and Hide routine again but this time I was right.  We actually opted to go to Duck Creek instead of doing laps around the loop because Vladdy needed some off-leash time to run around and get out all of the pent up energy and we knew that if we did the dog park we'd just stand around and not do any walking ourselves.  Plus Duck Creek is a pretty neat place actually, we've taken Piper there before and she really loved it so we knew Vladdy would too.

We walked the trail with the dogs on-leash but when we got to the lake there wasn't anyone in sight so we let them off and walked around the lake.  Snackers was dragging his feet though so I started doing what Vladdy does.  I'd get way out in front of him and then turn around, walk back to him and then turn around and start out again.  I did 2.5 miles but Snackers didn't even come close to that, I wanted to do more like 4 miles but he was ready to go home and then, on the way home, wanted to stop and pick up dinner from subway (Subway is on the "ok" list for me).

Now during lunch yesterday I was tempted to skip my usual yoga session because I knew I'd be having one with Snackers last night but then I realized that the chances were good he'd crap out on me so I did it anyway.  It's a good thing I did because when we sat down to do yoga together he broke out laughing in the very first pose and then during side stretches started complaining that it was too hard, then laid down on the floor and pretended to meditate/be a jackass while I finished the session alone.  Oh well, YAY ME!

New fruit shake: 2 apples, 1 pear, 1 cup cranberry juice, 1 cup pineapple juice, 1 cup blueberries, 2 cups water.  Still way too thick but oh well.






Food:
120 oz of water
2 cup of coffee w/creamer
1 fruit shake
3 whitefish ceviche flats
2 mini pizzas (home made)
----------------------------
Daily Caloric Intake: 1000




Activity:
Yoga: 30 minutes
Walking: 45 minutes

The Pizza Matrix

When we were putting together our grocery list for the week Snackers announced that he wanted to make home made mini pizza's on English muffins like his mom used to make when he was a kid.  My first reaction was "sounds unhealthy" but I looked up the Pizza Matrix in Cook This, Not That and low-and-behold there they were!  So we each got our own toppings and, last night, had a little pizza party.

I counted the calories on each whole English muffin despite the fact that we cut them in half to make the pizza's because I could only fit about a half-serving or less of each ingredient on one half so it was easier than trying to divide everything when I was just going to eat both halves anyway.  Did that make sense?  It did to me.

On mine I had 1/8th of a cup of spaghetti sauce (so 1/16th on each half), 8 slices of turkey pepperoni, a few pieces of chopped up hearts of palm, and 1/6th of a cup of shredded cheese on the top.  Each muffin (wholes, not halves) came out to 260 calories.  Not bad!!!!  Except Snackers got shredded parmesan when we were shopping instead of shredded mozz so the cheese turned kind of golden brown on top instead of melting.  Ironically, he hated them and I thought they were awesome.




Food:
120 oz of water
1 cup of coffee w/creamer
1 granola bar
5 oz prime rib, dry
1 foot long subway chicken sub
--------------------------------
Daily Caloric Intake: 1195




Activity:
Yoga: 60 minutes (2 sessions)
Walking: 2.5 miles (semi-sorta hiking)

Happy Valentine's Day

Yesterday after work Snackers and I loaded up a cute little picnic basket with a couple of sushi rolls, a bottle of wine, and some cheese and crackers and headed to our favorite ceramics painting studio.  We ended up nibbling on the sushi and wine throughout the night and never took the cheese and crackers out of the basket but we had a really good time none-the-less.

I painted a little Kody figurine to go with the Piper figurine that I did on my birthday and the Casper figurine that I did in December.  Snackers did a Kody coffee mug to go with the Casper coffee mug that he did on my birthday.  I think they turned out pretty good but we won't know for sure until after they're fired which should be sometime between now and Sunday.

Snackers brought home two really cute valentines day cards for me: one from the pets and one from him.  They were both so appropriate!  He did also get me a box of chocolates even though I asked him a thousand times not to but he ended up eating most of the chocolates and the rest are still in the box so I'm pretty proud of myself. lol





Food:
120 oz of water
1 cup of coffee w/creamer
1 fruit shake (same as yesterday)
1 healthy choice lunch
2 home made mini pizza's (from cook this not that)
1 can hearts of palm
1 cup popcorn
-------------------------------
Daily Caloric Intake: 1021




Activity:
Yoga: 30 minutes
Yard work: Weeded the entire front and side yards
Laundry

WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

So when Snackers said "I need to get some walking shoes so I can start walking with you" I turned into Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hide.

On the outside my reaction was something along the lines of: "That's capital my good man!  Good on you for the motivation and support.  Positively smashing."

On the inside my reaction was more like "HA!  That'll be the day!  Suuuuure, we'll go buy him some shoes and then he'll either wear them once, complain that there's something wrong with them, return them, and pretend that he can't find any other shoes that he likes (like he did last time we got him some sneakers), or he'll get them and they'll sit in his closet collecting dust like his Chucks (granted, they're not walking shoes but Snackers is kind of a girl when it comes to shoes....sometimes he likes to buy them just to buy them)."

To my complete and utter surprise, however, he walked in the door after work last night (I was still working), and the first words out of his mouth were "Do you wanna just go for our walk as soon as you get off work instead of waiting because it's looking like it's going to rain out there."

*gasp, choke, wipe away the water that almost sprayed out of my nose*  "Um yeah absolutely!"  So we did!
I wanted to do 4 laps around the Aspen Peak Loop but that's 5.4 miles and probably a little much for a beginner like Snackers so he agreed to two laps which, with the 0.3 to and from the house comes out to 3.0 all total.  Not bad!  He kept a rather brisk pace with me for the first lap and a half and then started to drag behind a little bit toward the end.  They have benches set up around the loop and he kept wanting to stop and rest and I kept telling him "if you keep moving the sooner you'll be done, home, and can play video games" and that seemed to keep him motivated.  All-in-all not too shabby!

I blended up a pitcher full of fruit after supper and have it waiting in the fridge too.  1 green apple, 1 green pear, 1 mango, 1 cup of blueberries, 2 cups of cranberry juice, and 2 cups of water (I like my fruit shakes a little on the runny side so that I can use a straw).  Plugged everything into the recipe tracker on CalorieCount.com and it comes out to about 120 calories per 12 oz glass so that's not bad!





Food:
100 oz of water
1 cup of coffee w/creamer
1 fruit shake (made last night)
1 healthy choice lunch
1 rainbow roll
2 glasses of wine
------------------------------
Daily Caloric Intake: 1,123




Activity:
Yoga: 30 minutes
Other: 45 minutes

Farmer's Market

Vegas has some produce problems, from what I've found.  The affordable stores like Smith's, Wal-Mart, and even Fresh & Easy have minimal produce and sometimes it's good, sometimes it's not.  When it's good, though, it's also usually over priced.  Yesterday, while driving around, we got a tip on a Farmer's Market on eastern from, of all places, a pet supplies store so we went to check it out.

Mostly it was arts and crafts but one table was set up with fresh produce and it was BEAUTIFUL!  We didn't have much cash on us because we hadn't really planned on going there but I did buy some beautiful apples, blueberries, a mango, and a few pears.  I picked up some cranberry juice at the grocery store because I've been having some kidney pain over the last week or so and I'm going to start trying to remember to do fruit drinks again.  I really enjoyed them the last time I did them but the produce here is so unpredictable that I kinda got out of the habit.

There are some places, like Whole Foods, that always have beautiful produce but it's SO EXPENSIVE that I just can't justify spending $30 on fruit every week or making the drive up to Green Valley for anything less than that.

Snackers has been feeling kinda down on himself lately and has decided that he wants to get into shape also.  His diet is horrible and I don't think that's going to change but with work he somehow manages to "maintain" his man-belly without really gaining much so I guess if he starts walking with me he might be able to lose something.  If not, at least I'll be more motivated to get off my butt and get out and about.  We got him some walking shoes yesterday because all he had were flip-flops and work boots and then we did a whole lotta walking / running around yesterday including a concert at the Hard Rock Cafe on the strip by the School of Rock.  Twelve and thirteen year old kids playing Come Together and rocking out to American Idiot.  It was pretty damn awesome actually.  They did a killer job and I swear there was one kid there that sings AC/DC better than AC/DC!






Food:
120 oz of water
1 cup of coffee w/creamer
1 granola bar (breakfast)
3 whitefish seviche tacos (basically pico w/chunks of whitefish in it)
1 can hearts of palm (snack)
3 chicken soft tacos (from cook this not that)
1 cup homemade fruit shake
1 cup popcorn (dry)
---------------------------------------------
Daily Caloric Intake: 996





Activity:
Yoga: 30 minutes
Walking w/Snackers & dogs: 3 miles

Barnes & Noble

The expo sucked.  It was all rescue groups and vets so, for someone who already has dogs and a vet, there wasn't much to look at or do.  We watched a few competitions, spent a good portion of time trying to find the booth that was doing free nail trimming and then spent another hour after finding it waiting for it to open.  There were a couple of merchandise booths to look at but not many.  Mostly we were stopped by a lot of people wanting to know what breed Vladimir is and we got a LOT of practice in with him on how to heel and be calm in a crowd full of people and dogs so that was a good experience for him.
We had planned on going from there to the dog park where he could be off leash and act nuts but he passed out in the car before we even made it out of the parking lot and we realized that the expo must have been extremely psychologically active for him because he was pooped!  We came home, took a nap (so rare and beautiful) and then had an extremely light supper and went looking for something to do.  We had planned on playing Bingo but had some time to kill so we went to Barnes & Noble.  I asked the guy at the help desk if they could order my book yet and ... they can!!!!!  It was so awesome to see MY BOOK with MY NAME on it on the computer screen at Barnes & Freakin' Noble!!!!

I told him that I wrote it and that I was a local author so they should stock it.  He said he put it on the short list for me which means if it starts to get a good sales record they will stock it and put on the list that I'm a local author.  So now I need to go in every few weeks and buy a copy I guess to bring the sales record up lol.

I was so stoked!  When we looked at the clock we realized we'd missed bingo but figured we'd catch the next session so we headed over to Wal-Mart to kill some more time.  We walked around, looked at stuff, bought a new jacket for Piper, and then ... yep, missed another session of bingo.  We hit the pet store next to wal-mart for a quick glance around before heading home and going to bed.  All in all, got a lotta walking in.  I need to get another pedometer.  I'm really curious to know how far we actually walked yesterday.

Note on today's food: putting tomato slices on a bagel will give you a lot of moisture so that you can drastically reduce your cream cheese usage.  When available, pico de gallo is a great substitute for cream cheese entirely.




Food:
130 oz of water
1 cup of coffee w/creamer
1 small bagel lightly toasted, no butter
1/2 oz cream cheese
4 tomato slices
1 granola bar (mid-day snack)
1 cup vegetable soup
1 chicken enchilada w/verde sauce
------------------------------------
Daily Caloric Intake: 752




Activity:
Walking/Shopping: We went to two stores to get Snackers some walking shoes because he says he's going to start walking with me!!!! (YAY!!!!)
Walking/Shopping: We also stopped at a farmer's market (tents on a street corner that we just happened across) and browsed for an hour-ish.  I found some STUNNINGLY BEAUTIFUL FRUIT at wonderful prices!!!! DOUBLE YAY!
Dancing: We went to our friend's son's concert.  He's in the School of Rock so they had a concert at the Hard Rock Cafe on the strip.  They did an AWESOME JOB!
Walking/Shopping: Went grocery shopping after the concert/dinner

Pet Expo

Today is the Las Vegas pet expo and we're going as soon as Snackers gets off work.  From what I've heard it's going to be quite the ordeal.  Various vendors and rescue organizations are going have booth's set up including Shorty Rossi from the TV show Pitt Boss.  They'll be doing free claw trimmings which is good because Vladdy has outgrown my clippers and his claws are in need of a good trim.  It's at Cashman Field and it's free so I am stoked about it.  This should be a great opportunity to get out and get some sunshine, get some walking done, show of me puppers...oh yeah.

Last night Snackers got his tax return and wanted to go eat at a sushi buffet.  Can I just say that for someone like me who LOVES sushi more than any other food in the world (even more than chocolate), the words sushi and buffet should never be put together.  I didn't do well.  I didn't do HORRIBLE but I didn't do well.  I walked through the doors thinking "Ok, you've done buffet's before and you've proven to yourself that you can be smart about them" and then I saw the effing thing.  EVERY KIND OF FREAKIN' SUSHI THAT YOU CAN IMAGINE!!!  Fortunately there weren't any deep fried things so I did my best to stick to what I knew I could count.  Tuna is my big weakness though, especially raw tuna.  I broke out a spare receipt from my purse and a pen and kept them on the table so that I could count everything that I put into my mouth.  I started with a tuna hand roll, a cup of edamame, and a full 20 oz glass of water because I knew that if I could fill myself up quickly with some rice and water that I would be less likely to go overboard.

The hand roll was SOOOOO good though.  I mean it's just tuna and rice so I don't know what the hell they did to make it so good but it was the best tuna hand roll I've ever eaten!  Meanwhile Snackers is helping himself to like ... one of everything and bringing back things with every color of caviar on it that you can imagine.  Dark green, orange, bright green, black (my fave!) and something with a huge brick of cream cheese on top.  HA!  And people think MY diet sucks?!  So I sat at the table and drew doodles on a napkin while I waited for the water and the rice to do what they do in my stomach but as I sat there watching him eat - temptation took over.

So I got a plate with another hand roll and four pieces of a rainbow roll.  Drank ANOTHER full glass of water and waited.  This time Snackers had a plate full of crab legs so I started cracking them and pulling the meat out for him.  He likes to take all of the crab meat and drop it right into his cup of butter and then, when it's nice and full, fish the meat out and eat it with a fork.  I don't like crab right out of the shell so cracking his crab legs for him kept me occupied and distracted without risk.  When I'd finished I went to wash my hands and ... of course, passed the sushi on the way back so I grabbed a little sauce dish and four more pieces of rainbow roll.

When I got to the table Snackers was eating fried rice and Japanese BBQ but I stayed strong.  When he hit the chocolate fountain ... I stayed strong.  But when he came back with a plate full of mini-sized dessert cups and put the chocolate souffle in front of me I cracked.  I told myself, just one bite.  Then I finished it.  It was small though, like those little 2 oz sauce cups that they give you with salad dressing in them at restaurants when you order it on the side.  Still ... it was chocolate souffle.  The conversation went something like this:

Me: "What is that?"
Him: "Dessert."
Me: "I can't have dessert."
Him: "It's tiny."
Me: "That's not the point.  There are probably more calories in that tiny cup than an entire sushi roll."
Him: "Oh wow this is the best thing I've eaten all night."
Me: *Indiscriminate grumble.*
Him: "We're celebrating hunny."
Me: "Every calorie I eat tonight is one less calorie that I'll be able to eat on Valentine's day."
Him: "I won't buy you candy for Valentine's day, I promise."
Me: "Again ... not the point."
Him: "It's soooo good!  Just try a little bite.  Just one bite.  C'mon this is going to cost me over $60!"
Me: "Fine.  One bite."
Him: "Isn't that good?"
Me: *Lapsing into a chocolate coma*
Him: "Wanna try my green tea cheesecake?"
Me: "I'm going to stab you with my fork."

Oh I hate that place.




Food:
2 cups of coffee w/creamer
120 oz of water
1 hot dog at the expo (limited options)
1 slice of sourdough toast with grilled shrimp
1 glass of white wine
-----------------------------------------------
Daily Caloric Intake: 1036




Activity:
Walking: We walked around the pet expo for approx. 2.5 hours and climbed a really steep hill to get back to the car.
Walking: We then went out after dinner looking for something to do and ended up spending approx. 3 more hours walking around various stores looking at stuff and being silly.

Confessions

Dear Pretty Woman,

Now that you've decided to tell me twice how much my diet sucks I thought I'd write a post just for you.  I have learned that the term "diet" is very personal to everyone and that what "sucks" is relative.  Let's recap shall we?

Monday: 1 fish burrito (grilled fish and shredded veggies with diced tomatoes wrapped in a tortilla.  Granted it's not a lettuce wrap but it's a WHOLE LOT BETTER than a roll or a bun or bread and is FAR from "sucking").  Boneless, skinless, baked chicken breast and rice.  It doesn't get much more "diety" than that unless you're on the Atkins ... which I'm not.  And more water in one day than most people drink in a week.

Tuesday: More baked boneless, skinless chicken and rice for lunch.  Grilled boneless, skinless chicken and baked red potato for dinner.  Again, nothing bad here at all.  No sour cream, nacho cheese, bacon bits or butter on the potato.  Just some salt, pepper, and oregano.  And more water in one day than most people drink in a week.

Wednesday: Hearts of palm (a vegetable that is high in protein, fiber and GOOD fat, low in calories, and has ZERO sugar, cholesterol, and bad fat).  More grilled boneless skinless chicken and baked potato for lunch.  A SALAD for dinner.  And again, more water in one day than most people drink in a week.

Thursday: Hearts of palm.  A healthy choice lunch (it's not just a name, the cafe steamers are actually pretty damn decent on the healthy food list), grilled fish, and since baked fries are just baked potatoes that are cut up into stick-sized pieces first ... again, not a bad dinner.  Yep ... more water in one day than most people drink in a week.


I hear you criticizing my diet and telling me how much it "sucks" or how "horrible" it is and YET I don't hear you actually making any constructive suggestions other than to "re-evaluate it".  That's pretty vague.  Aside from wheat grass and protein shakes, what is it exactly that you THINK I should be eating?  Maybe since you're obviously new to this blog you should go back and start reading from the beginning.

My diet before November 2010 consisted (on a usual day) of an iced mocha frappacino, chocolate covered mini donuts consumed en-masse at my desk, an 8" double meat Italian sub with extra mayo and guac, three slices of pizza hut for dinner with extra cheese, a box of buffalo wings with blue cheese dressing, and chocolate dipped bread sticks or a snickers bar for dessert.  I used to drink MAYBE 1 or 2 glasses of water A MONTH IF it was hot outside and that was my only option and drank anywhere from 4 to 6 Mountain Dew Voltages and cokes per day.  I'd say that on the "suck meter" my diet has come a long damned way.

It's really easy to sit behind your side of the monitor and repeatedly comment on how much my food choices suck but when you criticize without actually offering any constructive suggestions it's not constructive criticism it's just empty negativity.  My diet is a BILLION times better than it used to be.  It's a WHOLE HELL of a lot better than most of the people that I know or have known, and it's better than a lot of Americans eat today.  I'm an over-worked, over-tired, unhappy enough woman that I don't need to add gagging down protein shakes and wheat grass to the list of things that I hate about my life.  My diet is FAR, FAR from sucking.  It may not be what you like or even what you think is healthy but I'd dare bet that if you honestly posted YOUR food choices on the internet every single day of your life for over a year that someone out there somewhere would think your choices suck too. 

You need to learn to either be more positive or more constructive because being a destructive critic is far from "pretty".







Food:
140 oz of water
1 cup of coffee w/creamer
1 can hearts of palm
1 healthy choice lunch
2 tuna hand rolls
1 rainbow roll
1 cup of edamame
1 chocolate souffle (I know, this is bad but it was a little teenie tiny one and I'm HUMAN)
---------------------------------------
Daily Caloric Intake: 1215





Activity:
Yoga: 30 minutes
Walking the outlet mall: 45 minutes
Walking @ the dog park: 20 minutes

Got Out

Last night after supper Snackers and I went to check out Costco because we've been thinking about getting a membership there for awhile.  We didn't get the membership yet but the guy offered to let us have a look around since neither one of us has been to a Costco since we were kids.  We ended up spending OVER 2 hours walking around the store looking at everything.  We hadn't intended to stay that long but I know that when we were getting out of the car I glanced at the clock because I was wanting to go I did some math and figured that on dog food, alone, we could probably save the $50 membership fee in only two months.  Not too shabby!




Food:
100 oz of water
1 cup of coffee w/creamer
1 can hearts of palm
1 healthy choice lunch
1 serving fish and homemade fries (baked)
----------------------------------
Daily Caloric Intake: 1112




Activity:
30 minutes of yoga
Worked on my book for the rest of the night after dinner.

Dog Parking

I have a lot of catch-up work to do on my book today and I still need to post for school.  I was able to sleep until the alarm went off this morning which is great for me but gives me less free time in my morning routine than usual so I'm keeping this post short and to the point.




Food:
100 oz of water
1 cup of coffee w/creamer
1 can hearts of palm
1/2 leftover grilled chicken breast
1 cup leftover potatoes
1 serving chopped salad
1 breadstick
------------------------------------
Daily Caloric Intake: 1162




Activity:
Yoga: 30 minutes
Walking: 2 hours

Light a Fire

Ok so I haven't been getting much daily physical activity: already admitted.  But I have been trying to make up for that when I can which is probably the only reason that I've gained 7 lbs and not 20.  The first weekend in January Snackers and I went hiking for four miles out at Red Rock even though it was just days after my IUD insertion.  The weekend after that we went kayaking and ended up in a fight for our lives.  The weekend after that my parents came to visit and we spent the entire weekend walking all over Las Vegas.  The last weekend of January we opted for a relative amount of  laziness because we'd never really had time to recover and rest after the lake experience.  We both worked all week after Lake Mead despite the congestion (from inhaling so much lake water), bruises, cuts, and aches.  Then partied the following weekend with my parents here, and then worked all week again after that.  Truth-be-told that was probably good for us to keep upright or we might have ended up with walking pnemonia from all the water that was in our lungs for the first few days after (I had lake water coming out of my nose, ears, and eyes for three days).

We did, however, run some errands and did some window shopping as well as our weekly grocery shopping so we got out and got shit done - just not anything fun.  This weekend took the lazy cake though.  We did our shopping but that was about it and I'm jonesing for some fun this weekend.  I've been trying to put every spare penny I can find into paying off my student loans so we've been on an extremely tight self-imposed budget but we're both really wanting to start golfing again.  I'm also thinking now that we live less than a block away from a public softball field that is open 24/7, I'd like to try to force myself to get over my fear of playing softball.  I played as a kid but after breaking my wrist when I was 11 and then watching my best friend break her nose the very next week, I've been terrified of the game ever since.  I think it's time to get over that.

Last night I didn't get as much traditional exercise in as I wanted but I did light a fire the instant that I got off work.  Instead of staying at my computer to work on my book I got up, fed the dogs, unloaded the dishwasher and started dinner.  Once dinner was in the oven I let the dogs out, loaded the dishwasher with what I'd used to prep supper and wiped down all of the counters.  I worked on my book while dinner was cooking but after dinner I loaded the dinner dishes into the dishwasher and changed the laundry before going back to work on my book.  It's not exercise ... I know.  But at least I did a whole lot more than I've been doing lately.  Not that the house has been a constant disaster lately but I've been a gold medalist procrastinator for the past few weeks.

We went to the dog park after dinner but our friends were there so I stood around and socialized rather than walking laps and getting exercise.  I did play with the dogs a little but would have liked to have done more ... the world is full of good intentions.  Once we were home Snackers made us a cup of coffee (we've gotten into the habit of drinking a hot cup of decaff before bed recently) and I went back to work on the book until midnight.

I need three of me!  I wish I could astral project and then send the projection out to exercise while the real me does all of the crap that needs to get done in my life.  That would be nice.  It has been strongly suggested that I take a second job after graduation in the computers/technology field, or even an internship.  I have to confess, however, that a big part of me would like to try to find a more active part-time second job like bussing tables or some kind of janitorial work at the Henderson UofP campus or something so that I can get off my butt more.  I can't imagine spending 8 hours a day in front of a computer at one job and then more hours in front of a computer at a second job every day AND trying to exercise.  Technically I'm kind of already doing that and it's clear that the exercise is losing the battle.  I dunno ... we'll see what happens.





Food:
100 oz of water
2 cup of coffee w/creamer
1 granola bar
1/2 leftover chicken breast
1 cup leftover mushroom rice
1 grilled chicken breast (dinner)
1 cup roasted red potatoes
2 fig newtons
----------------------------------
Daily Caloric Intake: 1030




Activity:
Yoga: 30 minutes
Walking/Running/Playing w/dogs

Misbehaving

I told myself all last week that I was going to weigh-in this morning, post it, and start posting food and activity again as well.  I haven't been doing awful since I stopped posting but I haven't been making progress either.  I think, for the most part, I've been maintaining but I might have gained a little.

Yesterday, however, was Super Bowl Sunday and I did HORRIBLE!  Let's see, I made deep fried cheese curds for the super bowl party and yes, I ate some of those.  I had a half-slice of pizza and half of a bread stick, some crackers and cheese, half of a beer, and a few glasses of wine over a period of 4-ish hours.  Also someone else made deep fried twinkies and oreos for the party so I had a bite of a twinkie and a couple of the oreos.

I came home feeling sooooo sluggish and just blah because, even since I've stopped posting, I haven't really eaten those types of foods in a long, long time and my body was just like "What the EFF?!"  I spent a pretty substantial amount of time in the ladies room this morning and I still feel horribly bloated and uncomfortable so I'm not sure if I should weigh this morning, wait till later so everything has a chance to "exit" my system, or maybe even weigh tomorrow morning instead.

I finished writing my third book and have been working on polishing it up.  I "sold" over 200 copies of Dhampiri over Christmas but had it on a free holiday promotion so I'm not going to make a penny from that.  I am going to receive my first $11 earned from my books in the next week or so though, so that's cool.  I have 8 weeks of school left before I'm done-a-rita and I've been spending approximately 14-16 hours-a-day in front of a computer either working, studying, or writing.  Like I said ... not great.

I gave in and did it ... 237.  Ouch.  If that's not motivation to get back on the program I don't know what will be.  Ouch.  Just  ... owwy.!  I feel like curling up in a ball and crying ... I should cry while walking my happy ass all over town though.






Food:
100 oz of water
2 cup of coffee w/creamer
1 fish burrito
1 boneless skinless chicken breast (baked)
1 cup mushroom soup rice mix
-----------------------------------------
Daily Caloric Intake: 1,036




Activity:
Yoga: 30 minutes
Walking @ the dog park / playing with the dogs

Serious Situation

I have a full post coming tonight and will begin posting daily again.

I weighed today - you can see the results of that above.

Long story short I need to get my ass back on the wagon pronto because if I gain even half-a-pound I have to take my self-made badge away.  I'm once again over 100 lbs away from my goal and I just can't do this to myself.  I've come too far to let this happen.