Uninspired

I'm just not feeling in a writing mood this morning.  Sorry.




Food:
120 oz of water
1 cup of coffee w/creamer
1 granola bar
1 fruit bar
1 cup leftover soup
1 serving chicken and mushrooms
1/2 serving chow mein
1 serving beef broccoli
2 spring rolls
1/2 cup mixed nuts
------------------------------------
Daily Caloric Intake: 1444





Activity:
Yoga: 30 minutes

Self-Destruction

How does one get through a period of low motivation and self-control ... this is the thought that has been on my mind for months.  Every day I still count but the drive that I had when I started this journey just isn't there.  Sure, I'll find it a little bit here and there for a moment or two.  I'll give myself these grand pep-talks in my head about how I can do it I just need to DO it.  I'll even force myself to walk the right path for a day or two but it just isn't the same.  When I started this blog I woke up every morning eager to write my next post, every Monday morning eager to weigh-in, every 14th of the month eager for pictures.  Now I can barely remind myself to do these things and they feel like a chore.  I exercised after work and during lunch breaks with certainty and nothing was going to stop me.  I remember putting my shoes on, waving to Snackers and heading outside with exuberance and any protests from him fell on determinedly deaf ears.  I was going to do it and nothing was going to stop me.

I have more reasons to be motivated now than ever.  I've made so much progress.  I'm getting married in less than a year.  I'm graduating in two months.  I have a big doggy that looooves to go for walks.  I have a treadmill.  I have literally everything that I need or could ever want for success except the most important thing ... motivation.  I've been trying to find it now for the last 8 months and I just don't know how.  Like I said, I've found snippets of it here and there, brief moments of excitement that wear off quickly and are gone by the next day.  I re-watched 266's 1-year Anniversary video a dozen times trying to get that "I can do it" attitude from it that it gave me the first time but it's just not there.  It's all in my head, I know that, but I can't figure out how to overcome it.  I can force myself to get up and do things, most of the time, but I can't seem to force myself to like it the way that I used to.  I'm past being frustrated with myself now and I'm in a place where I just don't give a damn anymore.  It sucks - and it's going to drag me right down the path of failure if I don't figure out a way to shake it.





Food:
120 oz of water
1 cup of coffee w/creamer
1 granola bar
1 fruit bar
1 fish burrito
1/2 leftover veggie calzone
1 cup fat free frozen yogurt
-----------------------------
Daily Caloric Intake: 1441





Activity:
Yoga: 30 minutes
Walking: (w/Snackers and dogs) 1 hr

The Weekend

Well we had a very productive weekend.  We spent Friday night at the dog park, mostly, and then watched Marmaduke together before bed.  I knew I wasn't going to like that movie but Snackers is a sucker for animals so we grabbed it out of a $5 bargain bin at WalMart on a whim.  Ten minutes into it even he was making fun of how cheesy it was but we finished watching it anyway and I'm sure we'll pass it on to one of our nieces or nephews.  Saturday morning I had an appointment to get my measurements taken for the dress, from there we ran some errands and I got a call reminding me that we'd scheduled an appointment to look at some wedding locations on Sunday.  In the evening Snackers watched some baseball and I worked on The Prototypes (the sequel to The Citizens), then we put in The Butterfly Effect and watched that.

Sunday we woke up bright and early and headed to our first of three appointments to check out six different wedding venues.  Lots and lots of walking!  All six locations were way far on the northwest side of the valley though!  They were beautiful and the pricing was reasonable on a couple of them but they were just so damn far away!!!  We hit the dog park again but Vladdy got to playing with a little Akita puppy and she got rolled and hurt her front leg so we left after making sure with her owner that she was going to be ok and there were no hard feelings ... after all it was an accident during play, not like he did it on purpose.  It reminded me of when Vladdy was just a clumsy little pup and he used to get rolled and hurt a lot ... now he's on the opposite side of the fence.

We dropped the dogs off and headed out to pimp out my books.  I made a 5 chapter sample of The Citizens that includes ordering information in the back so we handed out a few of those at book stores, dropped off a full copy of The Citizens for the employees at Barnes & Noble to read (if they read it and like it then they can recommend it right?), and I filled out a job application.  The manager remembered me so when I asked her about a job ap she asked me to make sure that I put something on the ap about being the author of my two books so that it would stand out to her when she reviews the applications later (they won't be hiring till mid May).  From there we went to Big Lots because we were out of EVOO and we've found that we can get much bigger bottles at Big Lots and Ross than we can get at grocery stores for about half-the-price.  We browsed around for fun while we were there, Big Lots is kind of a fun store because they always have unique stuff to look at.  Then we headed home and played with the dogs in the back yard, scrubbed down and refilled Vladdy's pool, did some laundry, and went to bed.  Busy, busy weekend.

OH p.s. I got my final grade for my final class and it's an A so my graduating GPA will be 3.98.  YAY!





Food:
120 oz of water
1 cup of coffee w/creamer
1 granola bar
1 fruit crisp
1 healthy choice lunch
1/2 veggie calzone
16 oz pomegranate green tea
1 skinny cow ice cream
-------------------------------
Daily Caloric Intake: 1337




Activity:
Yoga: 30 minutes
Walking: 1.5 miles (around the neighborhood w/Snackers)
Sprints: 2 @ 1 min. each
-------------------------------
Fitocracy Points: 153

Available By Order

Today I am going with a shameless plug for The Citizens, my latest book, because it is now finally available by order through Barnes & Noble and other fine retailers.

Imagine a town where you can stay out as late as you want, wake up when it suits you, you never have to go to work, and everything is free for the taking. Sounds perfect right? But what if you can't remember where you are or how you got there? What if you can't ever leave? And what if the only other people around are hostages, just like you? Would you still want to stay?

Jasmine Marshall certainly didn't think so until she met Justin Beck; a dashing active-duty member of the United States Army and fellow hostage. With him around life in Kolob might not be so bad after all...or so she thought. There are vampires and psychics at the breakfast table! Disturbing acts of torture and senseless violence are commonplace. Biochemical warfare is a very real threat, and the town's mayor is an elusive mad-scientist obsessed with his own theories about December 21, 2012!

In a place where one has everything to gain and nothing to lose, one thing reigns true: nothing in Kolob is ever as it seems.

Order through your local store: ISBN: 9781470101589

Or Online 

Food:

130 oz of water

2 cups of coffee w/creamer

1 granola bar

1 bowl leftover soup
1 turkey and avocado sandwich
--------------------------------
Daily Caloric Intake: 1313



Activity:
Yoga: 30 minutes
Snackers and I picked up a few $5 movies from the bargain bins at WalMart and had movie night.

Job Shopping

Well, school is done, my final grade should be revealed for my last class any day and it's time for me to go shopping for a second job.  I'm thinking part-time, obviously, nights and weekends.  Preferably nothing in the food industry because I tried that once at Chili's and had a very bad experience that made me not want to eat at another Chili's restaurant ever again.  I'd like to get into something physical like stocking shelves or something though and I was very happy working at the liquor store before I got my job in computers.  Fortunately all of the liquor stores here are 24 hour so a nights and weekends job shouldn't be too hard to get - if not there are always the casinos as well.

I had hoped to take one or two weeks between school and job shopping to just kind of wind down but I'm already starting to feel restless and guilty like I could/should be doing more.  See, I know that I do this to myself.  My parents are the exact same way, especially my mom.  Always have to be doing something, running running running, inventing things to do if we have to and then we wonder why we're always so stressed out with so much on our plates.




Food:
120 oz of water
1 cup of coffee w/creamer
1 granola bar
1 healthy choice lunch
3 ceviche tostadas
----------------------------
Daily Caloric Intake: 824 (not intentional, I just wasn't very hungry yesterday)




Activity:
Yoga: 30 minutes
Playing w/Vladdy at the dog park: 1 hr